Healing and Remembering

On this day two years ago my Dad’s journey on this earth was drawn to a close. His mission fulfilled, my family left here to complete our own journeys. But, how could we go on without him? Those months surrounding his passing I really didn’t know if I was capable of moving forward. Now, two years later, I can reflect on the path of healing that I believe has no end in this life. There is a hole in my heart that is slowly healing and time is the only medicine.

I am at a point now that I can cope with day to day living without too much anxiety, which is great! But there are those random moments where his absence is brought to mind and the sting of losing him penetrates my very being all over again. Of course holidays are difficult. I long for everything to just be back to “normal.” Perhaps the hardest part about this whole process is establishing a new normal. Making new memories while cherishing days passed. Moving forward without forgetting.

The most comforting times I have had so far have come when I can think of him and smile: when songs come on that he loved, when I eat foods he loved, when I remember fun times we shared. I suppose one of my Dad’s greatest qualities (he had a lot of them) was that he loved with his whole heart. By his example, he taught me to do the same. I never once doubted his love and devotion to me and to our family. He was full of love. My joys were his joys. He liked to show his affection through lots of hugs and loving pats on the shoulder. Man, I really miss those!

His example as a husband was always positive, but I was just beginning to realize that before he passed away. It has been since his passing that I have more fully appreciated his loyalty to my mom. He held her on such a pedestal. He honored her and loved her with all that he had. When I was considering marriage, I knew that any man I would marry would have to love me like my Dad loved my Mom. This was no simple task! I am so grateful for his example of what a husband should be. It is because of him that I was able to find Evan, the man of my dreams. My very own husband to hold me on his pedestal! I’m a blessed gal!

I have grown so much from this experience. My family has changed out of necessity, but I would say it is for the better. The loss of my Dad added an opportunity for us to become even closer. To support one another as adults and try to make sense of the pain we are experiencing is such a blessing for all of us. Losing a loved one can be a very lonely process, but knowing there are people around you who understand your loss and your pain softens the burden and brings comfort.

I am grateful though, that I miss him so much, for I loved him so much! Here’s to a life well lived!

My Dad at the IM fields at FSU (with the old Florida High behind him)

When he met my mom...

1985

Going trick or treating

My parents, 4 of my siblings, a niece, a nephew and me

Dad & Mom

Their Irish wedding bands. The symbols on them signify friendship, love and loyalty.

Cracking up on Christmas morning (I gave my bro in law a remote control fart machine)

Dad, bro in law with the fart machine, and my brother

Dad with my mom and his girls

The first time Dad saw me in my wedding dress

The man of my dreams

Dad's last flight. His little plane looks so tiny, but I love how it looks like he is flying to heaven!